culture vs. pure torture

Though it doesn't take too much for me to blab on and on about Kodes, it's a real situation when I look at his work. You don't wanna be around me. I'm like a mother at a tiny tots beauty pageant. My sense of pride accompanied by my sense to drive him on becomes hazardous to other people's health.

without further ado:
http://krankypooters.blogspot.com

the latest ones he's drawn are comedic portraits of his friends. I swear to Ganesh he's gonna be somebody some day.

I'm in St. Catharines til' Friday soaking up some humidity and scratching my godforsaken mosquito bites. They're confined only to my feet. It's the worst. Just those two things are. Being here's wonderful; having five minutes to write a blog, listening to CBC radio, running errands with my Ma, eating my weight in barbecued whatever-my-Dad-makes-us. I get to hang my laundry on a clothesline. Do you know how blissful that small little shift in my domestic situation has made me?

There's a little alarm somewhere near my stomach that's reminding me of how slightly selfish this all is. That life doesn't stop just because I took a train an hour and a half away. That friends still need support, loose ends need to get tied up, bills need to get paid. But for now I kind of have to drive the responsibility car with my careless head out the window, because if I don't I won't come down from the last year of my life. It's only five days. One should be allowed that.

The other day someone said that I shouldn't "give them this 'poor me' bullshit". I am still taking some offense to it, but I won't delve into specifics.

GENERALLY speaking: I know a bunch of us are at a place where we have made some pretty big decisions in the past half-decade. I can look down the list of friends that I link to on my page and state pretty confidently that there were and are STILL some things happening in our lives that have brought us from one headspace to another entirely. I just wanted to take the opportunity to say that having some regrets about things NEEDS to be okay. Feeling some controlled but non-obnoxious self-pity needs to be okay too. We can't forgive ourselves for what we consider to be errors in judgment if we never approach it with some kind of sympathetic energy.

It's not bullshit. What we feel when we're alone and looking back on things and wishing maybe they'd gone a bit differently isn't something to pass off as weakness. I might add that it doesn't mean we think our problems are big/bigger/biggest. It doesn't mean that anyone thinks what they're going through is the singular most pathetic thing to happen in the history of the world. People who FEEL aren't lost on perspective.

yeah. so there's that.