discombobulation

Going through life in this foreign, sort of haphazard way hasn't been bringing me much luck lately.

I kind of just do what needs to be done and don't aspire for much else. It's boring. It's temporary.

It had better be over before next month because we all know November is no time to be starting anew. You'll end up shivering from the chill of your own tear-stained face, wishing you had read the pamphlet on Seasonal Affective Disorder in university when they were trying to talk you out of killing yourself before you first semester Psych exam. I'm not speaking from experience, I just imagine that's how I'd feel if i hadn't dropped first semester Psychology.

A customer at work yesterday was riffing back and forth with me about one thing or another and he said something about 'having the power to change that.' He was referring to my financial situation, my work situation. My life situation. It's not that he's wrong or that his advice isn't somewhat comforting, but can we just take a second to HATE on somebody's blatant optimism when they're obviously talking to somebody who hasn't got any? Shit.

If I take an honest look at it, I've got everything I need. There isn't a fiber in me that wishes she had more contemporary art hanging on the wall or a larger obscure music collection. I know that really titillates some other advanced species of human but I'm ok with a cheese pizza and a Zac Efron movie. I'm basically a great ape, I know.

So what do you think it is that makes me feel like something's missing? If nobody really knows why we're here, and if us BEING here is really counterproductive and abusive to the planet we live on ANYway, is this my mind's way of whispering 'Chelsea, life would be funner if you were an avocado tree.'

LISTEN, SELF! I can't BE an avocado tree!

I just can't. Plus I don't even like avocados. They're too mushy.